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“A $16 “Jerk” of a Turkey”
I remember it like it was early this morning, it was October 23, 1999, and I arrived home in the wee hours of the morning from a “pay preview” wrestling outing. As I drove my car between the chain link fences of my yard, I noticed a car zooming down the streets. I said to myself, “Who in the world is out here besides me this time of the morning?" Within a second, there was a reply to the little voice in my head, that said:
Robber
“Don’t move, give me the money!”
Country Lady
“Oh Father God, oh Father God, oh Father God!”
(Ignored the Robber−for a brief conversation with the Heavenly Father.)
As the robbery was still in progress, I felt as though he was a little agitated with my screaming episodes. For some reason, his eyes began to shift up and down under his ski mask. After finally calming down from all that screaming, and realizing the Robber needed my cooperation−I decided he was much deserving of my last $16.00. As the money exchanged from my hands to his, one of the bills fell on my driveway, which caused us to have more dialogue with each other.
Robber
“Pick it up!”
Country Lady
“You pick it up!” You got the gun, “Who’s in control here?”
(Country Lady was already stressed out enough from the robbery and was agitated with the Robber for trying to control the outcome of the robbery)
Robber
(Robber adheres to the Country Lady’s demands and picked the bill up and ran!)
Country Lady
“Thank you, Lord!”
(Country Lady realizes that the Heavenly Father had given her the courage to stand up to the nervous Robber, who’s criminal activity would have been taken more seriously−if he was not wearing a t-shirt with “smiling” cartoon characters on it.)
As I jump out the car to run into the house to call the police, I finally realized that I had been robbed!” I sure hope that Robber met his quota for that week, because I didn’t have any more money to give him for another “love offering.”
To eliminate potential reprisal from the “timid” Robber, the jurisdiction of where this robbery occurred will remain undisclosed. There is no need to cause any further embarrassment to that Robber, he’s probably too ashamed to let his boys know a Country Lady had gotten him in check! I do hope and pray he did a good deed with that $16.00 that I was forced to give him−like buying a large bag of dog food to feed a homeless dog. Who knows, by now, he might have turned his life around to do legitimate outreach for the community. I hope so, because once he sees my face on the cover of this comedic cookbook, and he finds out that I acknowledge him with a recipe creation called, “A $16 “Jerk” of a Turkey,” I might have to go into hiding again!”
Cooking Advisory Tip (CAT) - If you want to obtain the recipe for this story, purchase my comedy cookbook by clicking the above “HOME” link and scroll down to "PURCHASE BOOK". The cost of the ingredients for this recipe should not exceed $16.00. If it does, don’t blame me, blame that Robber for not being smart enough to know a Country Lady always have a stash in her bra for emergencies. Maybe if he had control of the robbery, the recipe name would have been called, “A $36 “Jerk of a Turkey!”